Sunday, December 6, 2009

Seeing Through Your Eyes

Being in this world, we create relationships with the people we are surrounded with. We share our stories, feelings, and experiences. There are times when we can actually perceive what our friends or our relatives are telling us. This is when empathy steps in. To me, empathy is a characteristic of a person that enables to feel and fully understand what others are going through. Interdependence also plays a big role in our lives. Without it, we would not be able to accomplish the famous historical achievements, such as our first landing on the moon. Being involoved in interdependence, I have learned that it brings people together to succeed whether an assignment, a project, or a dream.

Developing empathy takes a while to fully gain. You have to learn from life long lessons and use it as a reference for experiences yet to come. To have empathy for others is to actually know and feel what it is like to "be in their shoes". An example of empathy would be a friend who is going through family problems. Everyone has experienced this type of issue, including me. Whether it is about a loss of a family member or fighting parents. It could be about something small-scale such as getting a bad grade on an exam. The main point is that we can all help each other and give each other advice from our past experiences.

Empathy and Interdependence comes in one package. Once we are able to perform empathy, we can now collaborate with interdependence. A famous historical figure has once said "A house divided amongst itself cannot stand". Through all that I have been through, this statement has proven to be true. In english, we were assigned a progect entitled "KC3". It stands for Kids Creating Community Content. My group has chosen to focus on the renewable resources aspect of Hawaii. This project requires full contribution from each one of us. If a partner does not carry our his or her task, the whole group is affected. However, we all perservere each other, and make sure that we have fully succeeded our individual task. Not only have we learned about interdependence doing this project, we have also discovered how amazing it is to have the privelege to work and learn together.

Empathy and interdependence are not only meant to be used in our emotional part of our lives. We can also use them for education purposes. An example would be in the academic subject, English. For writing and critiquing essays, we abide to one motto. The motto states to "show not tell". By using this motto, we can understand empathy a little better. If the essay contains a high standard of "showing" the reader can easily see, hear, taste, smell, or feel the story, as if he or she were actually in the piece. When learning while associated with interdependence, we are able to share our new knowledge with the people we work with, therefore the outcome of the group is now a high-professional standard. If we all share the knowledge with others, and not keep it to ourselves, we can all benefit by depending on others, if we too contribute to the group.

In my experiences with empathy, I find that I can easily relate to others. Throughout my 14 years of my life, I have been through positive and negative situations. Taking what I have learned from these situations, I try my best to use my experiences as a reference when empathizing. Empathy comes naturally to me. When anyone comes to me for advice, or just to vent out their problems, my mind is set to fully focus on them. When it comes to interdependence, I am willing to contribute my ideas, and respect others' thoughts as well. Learning about the famous historical figures, they have not achieved everything they have on their own. They had to go through trial and error, which involved experience with people. If you think about it, we can't do anything without depending on each other. Everything started with a dream, but before the dream came inspiration.

Having empathy and interdependence in our lives creates a big impact on everyone. We are able to understand each other, and find out how we individually think. Comparisons of our personalities are also discovered using empathy. We are able to create relationships, and collaborate in recreational activities. Empathy along with interdependence should be thought more as gifts rather than a characteristics.

8 comments:

  1. Hello Isabelle!
    I will be critiquing by paragraphs & possibly by sentences (:

    1st Paragraph:
    -*Wow! I LOVE your beginning! I just can’t help but read it over and over again! It’s very detailed!
    -“To me, empathy is a characteristic of a person that enables to feel and fully understand what others are going through.” *I like how you brought up your own opinion! It’s a good sense of VOICE.
    -Your example of the first landing on the moon is a great example of interdependence, because they could not have done it by themselves. They had interdependence.
    -There is a grammatical error; you put the word, involoved. LOL. I know you meant to put ‘involved’ just a minor typo (:
    -*your beginning is VERY strong. That’s excellent!

    2nd paragraph:
    -*Good example, relates to empathy perfectly. Everyone has been through family problems; anyone can be empathetic about something like that, good relationship toward your reader!
    -“You have to learn from life long lessons and use it as a reference for experiences yet to come.” *‘life long’ is one word I think, “lifelong.”
    -“Whether it is about a loss of a family member or fighting parents.” This sentence is a fragment. You can put it together with this sentence, “It could be about something small-scale such as getting a bad grade on an exam.” *And make it to, “Whether it is about a loss of a family member or fighting parents, it could be about something small-scale such as getting a bad grade on an exam.” Don’t forget the comma in between those two sentences!
    -*Your example gives the reader a good ‘looking back’ feel. Your examples of family issues and getting a bad grade on an exam give the reader a chance to think about it. (:

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  2. 3rd paragraph:
    -*there are some typos in this paragraph,: “progect”, “perservere”, “privelege” change them to: “project”, “persevere”, “privilege” nothing too big (:
    -“Once we are able to perform empathy, we can now collaborate with interdependence.” *I absolutely LOVE this relationship statement for empathy AND interdependence! I would have never thought of this! Very authentic!
    -“If a partner does not carry our his or her task, the whole group is affected.” *the “our his” part of the sentence. Did you mean to NOT put OUR?
    -*KC3 is a good example of interdependence!
    -*YAY! Our renewable resources group! :D
    -Who did you get the quote: "A house divided amongst itself cannot stand"? Why did you put this quote in your essay? What type of relationship does it have within the essay?
    -*Don’t forget to put the comma after “once said” because the quote follows up.

    4th paragraph:
    -*No errors I see!
    -*You must have a talent for bringing up great examples huh Isabelle? LOL!
    -*WOAH! ANOTHER great example! About the writing essays & critiquing! Especially the “show not tell” it brings up nicely!
    -*What is your term of describing “high- professional standard?”

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  3. 5th paragraph:
    -*Can you show an example of one of your experiences that you use as a reference when empathizing?
    -“If you think about it, we can't do anything without depending on each other.” *This is a fragment; you may need to combine it with another sentence. But this is a good way to get the reader thinking more about interdependence.
    -“Everything started with a dream, but before the dream came inspiration.” Nice quote (: if it is s quote? Hahha, how does this relate to empathy or interdependence?
    -*I find it very good that you bring up how it relates to your life.

    6th paragraph:
    -*Now this wraps up your essay perfectly!
    -*Your comparisons to empathy and interdependence gives it a nice ending and relation to the reader (:
    -*There is a small error on the last sentence: “Empathy along with interdependence should be thought more as gifts rather than a characteristics.” This part of the sentence: “than a characteristics.” You can either put, “rather than characteristics.” Or “rather than a characteristic.”


    OVERALL:
    *Organization is done very well!
    *You had such a STRONG beginning that got me to read more, and your ending finished it up nicely! Your essay really got me moved!
    *There are small typos and grammatical that can be changed,
    *My opinions and questions are stated above every division on paragraphs.
    *I can hear your voice which brings up originality!
    *Your word choice is very effective and matches the whole point of the essay.
    *Ideas are wonderful examples! They bring up great relationships to empathy and interdependence.
    Haha, yeah I actually used the word WONDEFULL xD didn’t want to OVERUSE, PERFECTLY, NICELY, GREAT, ect. LOL!

    GOOD LUCK ON YOUR FINAL!
    HOPE THIS HELPS!

    -Shannel (:

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  4. [PART ONE]

    HEY ISABELLE! IT'S ZEE. IM GONNA CRITIQUE YOUR ESSAY BY PARAGRAPH. KK?

    -Paragraph 1: Nice introduction. Very detailed and touching. I like the examples that you used to describe interdependence. I can tell that you know your topic very well. TWO THUMBS UP FOR THE IDEAS TRAIT :) Word choice in this part of your essay is also very effective. Your words aren't too big, that it gets uninteresting, and they're not too small that it's a very common and boring word. All the words you chose are the best. SPELLING ERROR: "Being involoved in interdependence, I have learned that it brings people together to succeed whether an assignment, a project, or a dream." MAKE SURE YOU SPELL IT AS: Involved.

    -Paragraph 2: Any sentence starting with the word "whether" is a sentence fragment. So make sure in this sentence: "Whether it is about a loss of a family member or fighting parents." You don't start with the word "whether". Possible ways in revising this sentence include: "A loss of a loved one or family member and being in a situation in which your parents are arguing are some good issues that explain what empathy is about." REVISE THIS SENTENCE: "The main point is that we can all help each other and give each other advice from our past experiences." The main point is that we can all help others by giving advice from our past experiences."

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  5. [PART TWO]

    -Paragraph 3: You;ve got some typos going on. HAHAH. Anyway...
    *progect: project
    *perservere: persevere
    *privelege: privilege
    (LOOK THEY ALL START WITH THE LETTER "P")
    WAIT! I just noticed... you're doing your essay on BOTH empathy and interdependence. OH! haha. I thought you were only supposed to do it on only one? Hmm, I don't know... we'll see what mrs. s says.
    Okay, moving on... PUNCTUATION ERROR: "If the essay contains a high standard of "showing"[INSERT COMMA HERE] the reader can easily see, hear, taste, smell, or feel the story, as if he or she were actually in the piece." Your sentences vary in length, which is a very good thing because if it is all the same length, then it would be really boring. This made me think of the days back in Speech Club when Mrs. Coles always told us not to talk in a "sing-song" tone because it makes a poem sound boring. Well, this is very similar to the sentences in your essay.

    -Paragraph 4: What do you mean by high-professional standard? One reason why i want to know is because you didn't really go into detail about that phrase. also, i'm in your KC3 group and i wanna know what you mean when you say that our group's outcomes are high-profession standard. Very good use of ideas. I see that Shannel also agrees with me. Haha. I like how you always talk about you personal experiences. it brings your essay to life! Not literally, but you know what I mean :P

    -Paragraph 5: Can you actually "show" what you mean by negative and positive situations of empathy. It'll help in following through your essay easily. Hmm, for some reason, this part of the essay seems not right to me: "If you think about it, we can't do anything without depending on each other. Everything started with a dream, but before the dream came inspiration." Maybe you could revise it? Like this: "Dreams cannot be fulfilled with just one body, one mind, and one person. Before the dream comes the inspiration and that is why two heads are always better than one."

    -Paragraph 6: Very good job at making your conclusion. Also, the way you compare and contrast empathy and interdependence gives your essay a little "something-something" haha. Although, there is one error in the very last sentence: "Empathy along with interdependence should be thought more as gifts rather than a characteristics." REMOVE THE 'a' BEFORE THE WORD CHARACTERISTIC.

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  6. [PART 3]

    -The way you organized your essay is pretty good. But I think you could fix it up a little bit more, make sure the sentences are in the right places. Also, your sentence fluency is okay. Just try suggesting the few sentence revisions I talked about. Good use of Ideas, they really help in explaining what empathy and interdependence are. Your voice is pretty good too, because I can tell that you were the one who wrote it by the way you talk about your family, life issues, and experiences. There are some grammatical errors, make sure you fix them before you turn in your final essay. Also, make sure you INDENT! INDENTATION IS IMPORTANT! Your introduction and conclusion are two very effective paragraphs. One: The intro grabs the reader's attention and makes them want to read more and more. AND TWO: The conclusion satisfies the reader in a way that would make them think that they have just read an essay that related to THEIR personal experiences.

    -GOOD ESSAY!

    -good luck on revision :)
    hope this is detailed enough, haha. BYYYE!

    -czarina <3

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  7. NOT TO MRS. SUEOKA FROM CZARINA:
    HI! JUST TO LET YOU KNOW, THIS IS MY 3rd COMMENT. THE OTHER TWO WERE TO SHANNEL AND SHARMAINE. :)

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  8. Hi Isabelle,

    I like the way you've combined the idea of empathy and interdependence, that one needs empathy in order for interdependence to work well.

    What I'd suggest is that you concentrate on showing that relationship in just one or two experiences...showing how being able to put yourself into someone else's place helps you to work better together.

    As your teammates have pointed out, you have a strong first paragraph. I think, however, that it would be stronger if you deleted some sentences. I am going to use it as an example, so that you can apply the same strategy to your writing in other places.

    Being in this world, we create relationships with the people we are surrounded with. We share our stories, feelings, and experiences.

    [The parallel in the second sentence is strong sentence fluency. The word "being" is not very strong; neither is ending in the preposition "with." So: In this world, we create relationships. We share our stories, feelings, experiences.]

    There are times when we can actually perceive what our friends or our relatives are telling us. This is when empathy steps in. To me, empathy is a characteristic of a person that enables to feel and fully understand what others are going through.

    [These sentences are kind of repetitive. Here's a more concise version: At times, we can feel and fully understand what others are going through. This is empathy.]

    Interdependence also plays a big role in our lives. Without it, we would not be able to accomplish the famous historical achievements, such as our first landing on the moon. Being involoved in interdependence, I have learned that it brings people together to succeed whether an assignment, a project, or a dream.

    [There's "being" again, along with a nice strong parallel at the end that builds to "dream." So: Interdependence brings people together to succeed, whether in an assignment, a project, or a dream.]

    So...great thinking...some work ahead to develop it with specific support...and a bit of "sentence fluency" and style strategies to work on, too :)

    Let me know if you have questions.
    mrs s

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