Expressing and Comforting is what I live for.
I say what I feel even when you don't listen to me.
Being the life of the party, I'm always blasted.
You'll find that I can relate to you and your situation.
Having the power to heal you emotionally, I'll always be there for you.
There are different personalties to me.
I'm emotional at times, and at others I'm joyful.
Being a great storyteller, I may inspire you.
I have the ability to spread news and messages around.
My presence can set the climate of mood.
I am connected to many forms of art, such as dance.
Creative and meaningful, I am like a song
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ReplyDeleteHey Isabelle,
ReplyDeleteWell, I'm here to re-comment your blog because it is 7:00 in the morning and well, I just don't have anything to do. Haha. I commented it yesterday night, but afterwards, you told me that you weren't finished with your poem yet... so, I decided to delete that comment and here's the new one.
Nice use of the characteristics of a song.
Well, my first impression of your poem was that it is a very mellow type of poem. It is somewhat emotional but not really which gives it that mellow type of feel.
I think that this style matches your type of writing.
Good choice! :)
I think you should elaborate more on the "different genres" part though because I really like that part and I would want you to talk more about it.
"Being the life of the party, I'm always blasted."<--- Oooh, I like that line.
I see no grammatical errors. Awesome! Haha. Hmm, I thought that the poem was supposed to be more than 12 lines. Uhm, I can see that you aren't quite finished with your poem yet. But just tell me and I'll probably add to my commentary later on. But you're probably going to revise it this morning. Or at least, that's what you told me. Haha We'll have to ask about this to Mrs. Sueoka.
Sorry if you don't think this comment is helpful, but I tried my best.
I don't really know how to comment on a poem because of the fact that I've never done this before "/
Anyways, good luck on your video.
-Czarina
I thought you did superb on you poem!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed how you used the different aspects of a song and compared it to yourself.
Every line of your poem was comprehensible like i did not have to go over it and read it twice and wonder if your talking about a son.
You never did go off topic.
Although your poem seems like it needs no improvements but I know you could say more about it to make it 12 lines.
Your a good poet and you express yourself very well.
I have no advice for you but to add more.
BYYEEE!!!!!
Hi Isabelle,
ReplyDeleteGreat choice for a metaphor :)
We've already talked about how you did a nice job of putting yourself into the metaphor, so I'll comment a bit about the "musical verbs" part. Think about verbs connected with music...in fact, you don't even need to stick to verbs...you can think of nouns as well: tempo, lyric, melody, harmony(harmonizes), trills, blares, drifts (not necessarily music but it can drift out from a window or something), pitch, sharps, flats, actually, it seems like there are more nouns...
Anyways, more "musical" word choice would help to emphasize the metaphor...
Good luck...I'm looking forward to the video :)
mrs s