Abuse should be taken care of by counseling. Vengeance should not be a part of dealing with this issue. It should be taken to a serious matter of healing the mind and becoming the wiser person.
Being a teenager is already hard enough without having to be abused. Talking it out and getting help is extremely important to keeping a teen’s morality. If a teen goes through counseling, he or she is able to renew and heal his or her thoughts, mind, actions, and soul. Abusive guardians could also go through counseling to get rid of their violent behavior. Vengeance on the other hand is all you can get from punishing a parent by sending them to prison and giving up the abused teen to a foster home. A teen cannot learn to grow from their experiences with abuse. He or she will continue to either hate, or feel lost if counseling is not practiced. Consequently, if counseling is not played into the abused victim’s life, given, they are most likely able to not live a successful happy life.
Sadly there are many teens out there who do not get the help that they need. Those teens end up receiving depression later in their lives. They can also develop diseases and certain body malfunctions that can lead to death if they do not practice counseling. They could also lose their sanity and end up become abusers themselves. According to statistics, nearly five teens die everyday due to abuse. These teens did not speak out what was happening to them in their households.
In the eyes of many enlightened people and doctors, counseling is the most effective teach abused victims that there is hope for them to have successful lives. Counseling gives abused teens a sense of care and empathy. The fact that an abused victim to talk to a psychologist or psychiatrist who has been through everything that he or she has been through, and heal, is something that cannot be found in punishment. Counseling is the best way to deal with abuse, only if the abused victim wants to live a healthy, wise, and successful life.
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Hey Isabelle! :D
ReplyDeleteAAGG(: lucky you got the prop side of the essay, but both sides had good reasoning and evidence
I'd like if you could expand you introduction paragraph, like…lead into your thesis and put your thesis statement as the last sentence of the intro, but i do like your reasoning for why for counseling vs. punishment. (perhaps you could use that as one of your supporting reasons)
i think our whole proposition is pertaining to the counseling vs. punishment on abusers as you can't really punish abusees/teenagers, so you might need to change some of your points there
you forgot to put in points of the opposing argument (the punishment), and that's where the power of the transition words come in :) if you want a good example of how to show that, look at this (hehe i referenced this when i was writing mine too) http://spot.pcc.edu/~mmcdowel/comp/comprothbellthumbs.pdf
It sounds like your second and fourth supporting paragraphs are mainly around a similar idea….maybe you could combine them and make a new supporting idea. Maybe you can incorporate stuff like Hale Kipa to show that there are programs that are out there to help kids. and how successful these programs are, because if it works = more people may consider/turn to this solution
I'm not sure what your third paragraph has to do with supporting your thesis. It seems like a better conclusion because it tells how abused teens can suffer with out proper care. and it would sum up your essay if you added this plus a quickie of your points in the conclusion.
but good job(: and we got this stuff down!!
Love, korie
Hi Isabelle,
ReplyDeleteKorie had some great points for revision. Her suggestion on switching the last paragraphs around works well!
I would add to her comments that you need to include more specific evidence: statistics, quotes, etc. Right now, you've got mostly ideas...they are strong ideas but require support for them to be successful as argument.
mrs s